Have you been losing a lot of friends lately but have no clue why? We hear you. Sometimes people just drift apart especially with the increasing pressures of life. But that isn’t always the case. There are more profound reasons why you might be losing your friends.
Let’s explore why we sometimes struggle with friendships and how to fix that.
By Mariam Elhamy
Reason #1 You Don’t Have Enough Time
Adult friendships are difficult, especially now that each person has their own job, life and responsibilities. It automatically becomes harder and harder to maintain good contact and quality time with your friends. Maintain Friendships
Always make sure to get some regular catching up with your friends. Preferably face to face if you have the time but if you don’t, then pick up the phone and ask about how they’ve been doing.
Reason #2 You Might Be Growing in Different Directions
And that’s okay! Sometimes friends drift apart because they stop having the same interests and they no longer find many things in common. It only shows that not everything is meant to last forever and we have to accept that. You gave to be okay with the fact that outgrowing friends is a real thing.
Reason #3: Connecting with People Became Difficult
Especially if you’ve had issues trusting others in the past. It might be even harder if you’ve suffered trauma. Bullying, abusive friendships, emotionally manipulative relationships and overstepped boundaries are all examples of things that make it hard and scary for you to let someone in and open up to them.
It’s also harder to make new friends as you get older, rejection can be stressful and there are fewer chances to meet new people. Maintain Friendships
Tip: Just don’t be afraid to let go of the past and work on strengthening your current relationships. You never know who might be there for you when you need them the most.
Reason #4: Your Fears are Ruining your Friendships
If you or one of your friends have some sort of fear of abandonment then it would explain why you’re overly possessive and controlling when it comes to them or they to you.
If you’ve been feeling a bit controlled or suffocated by the friendship have a heart-to-heart talk about it with your friend. Tell them what’s bothering you in a gentle but firm way. If your friends have been pulling away because you’ve been possessive with them, ask them what bothers them and work on it.
To cut this bad habit loose you need to learn to give people space or know how to ask for it when needed. Maintain Friendships
Some examples of what you could say:
- I only have 20 mins to grab a coffee
- I can’t talk right now, I’ll call you once I can
- Thanks for the invite, but tonight I need some alone time
- I’m not okay with you making fun of my insecurities
- I am struggling with my own mental health right now and I don’t feel like I can be your primary support system
Reason #5: You Don’t Have Enough Energy
If you’re having a tough time and you’re not in your best mental state it might be hard for you to maintain friendships. Your mental capacity is already too consumed by your struggling mental state.
The opposite is also true, if you feel your friends are isolating then maybe they’re going through a tough time. Make sure to check up on them and ask them how they really feel and what’s really been going on with them. You might learn a lot.
When people are depressed, they tend to feel unworthy so they pull away from everyone they care about. Make sure you give your friends the attention they need or ask for it when you need it. You need to be very vocal when it comes to this because people can’t read your mind. If they know but haven’t done anything about it, then that’s on them.
To sum it all up, the key to maintaining a good long relationship with your friends is keeping good contact, scheduling and sticking to get-togethers and always opening up and talking about what’s been bothering you because if you don’t fight for your friendships who will? Maintain Friendships